Do’s and Dont’s of Meeting Your Ex’s New Girlfriend
There she is, all smiles, happy and glowing. Her hair is perfect. You know she spent at least an hour on it. Her nails are flawless, even her toenails aren’t chipping. Your ex-husband’s new girlfriend has clearly, come to serve. She’s obviously still in that phase of her relationship when she’s got to look perfect for every date with him and lord knows she’s going to pull out all stops in meeting the ex-wife.
The most annoying thing: She’s got that look on her face. You know the one. It’s the look of being completely in love, and the reason you know it so well is that you once had this look. And now, your ex-husband’s new girlfriend has it! She lovingly gazes at him and hangs on to every word when he speaks. He can say nothing that isn’t brilliant. She giggles every time he makes a joke, and you know for a fact that he is not EVEN that funny. And if that isn’t enough… what’s more annoying is that he looks at her the exact same way.
It doesn’t matter if your ex dumped you, or you were the one who broke up with them. In either scenario, meeting the new girlfriend isn’t easy.
So, here are some do’s and don’ts that I can share that might make things easier when you come face to face with your ex’s new boo.
1. Don’t be rude! On the contrary, be really, really nice. Here’s why: First of all, if you have kids, it will make them so happy that everyone is getting along, that you will feel like being friendly is completely worth it just for that reason. Secondly, it will not only make everyone have respect for you, but you will have respect for yourself. You’ll feel great, trust me! Walk right up to her and shake her hand. Even if it’s difficult, do it! You can never lose by taking the high road and being nice.
2. Do remember that even if she wasn’t in the picture, you and your guy would not be together, so there’s no reason to be bitter or jealous. And, if he broke up with you for her, just keep telling yourself that there is an amazing guy waiting for you and at some point, you will meet him. Be patient and trust it.
3. Don’t be overly nice and or fake to the point of being obnoxious. Be really sweet, but keep your distance a little bit. Everyone knows you’re not going to be best friends with her.
4. Do remember that she is now the proud new owner of a relationship with his mother! Tell yourself how much fun she’s going to have dealing with that!
5. Don’t compare yourself with her physically. She might be really pretty and that’s okay. Did you expect your ex to date a dog? Try to focus on the physical things you like about yourself. Have you been eating healthy? Are you working out? Do you like your new haircut? How about that lipstick everyone is telling you looks so great on you? Just like yourself. It’s okay if the girl is cute. You’re not competing with her.
6. Do try to be happy for your ex. Obviously, the two of you don’t get along (or you’d still be together). But, try to remember the good in him and what you used to love about him, and realize that those are the things she probably loves about him. He also might be nicer to you and easier to deal with in co-parenting issues if he is happy. So, in effect, she is good for you! (Am I reaching? Probably… but you get the point.)
7. Do remember that the things about him that drive you up the wall. They will surely start to bug her if they don’t already. He isn’t going to be a different person with her. He’s going to be him. Whether she can take it for the long haul remains to be seen. You couldn’t, but maybe she can. But, it doesn’t matter. Focus on yourself, your own life, and watch the universe send you good vibes, positivity, light, love and all that magical jazz!
And one more thing — it helps when your friends are there and they tell you that you are a lot cuter than her, even if they’re just saying it to be nice. Prep them – it’ll feel more natural.
Lisa King is the author of the blog, A Little Audacity. She is also the author of the book, BY DESIGN: A WOMAN’S ULTIMATE GUIDE TO GETTING IT RIGHT, KEEPING IT TIGHT & CLAIMING YOUR QUEENDOM about living your best life, no matter what life throws at you. Lisa is also 1/3 of the dynamic trio of The 2 Girls and A Guy Show featured on We Say What They Cant Radio. She lives in Brooklyn with her son and fiance.