Are You Submissive To Your Man?
Are You Submissive To Your Man?
When we think of the word submissive the image that springs to mind is probably one of accepting or yielding to a superior force or authority of another individual. And this is precisely why being submissive to your man is one of the most difficult concepts for the modern-day woman to understand or accept. After all, we’re all independent women and bring as much weight into the relationship, don’t we?
Let me share a quick story with you. When I met my husband almost 17 years ago, I never ever imagined being married at the age of 26, giving up parts of my life in order to become someone’s wife and Suzie the Homemaker. Thoughts of giving up my friendships, my hobbies and my fun times made me feel trapped and I worried that if I continued enjoying doing my own thing they would become an annoyance to husband. I simply had not been prepared to submit myself to this new married life and what I thought it would entail.
However, I have now been happily married for 8 years. During this time I grew to understand that submitting to my husband was not about becoming his slave or feeling as if he were taking control of my life by keeping me on lock down. I learned that submission is a biblical term and not limited to wives alone – and it definitely does not suggest that we are weak in any way. For example, Christians are to submit themselves to each other (Ephesians 5:21) to government (Romans 13:1) and unto God (James 4:7). Self-sacrifice is required in each circumstance. And self-sacrifice takes inner strength.
In this case, when a wife submits to her husband, it is about leadership. As women we must try not to take leadership away from our partners or to overstep them. I have found that women use many tactics when trying to do this — arguing, deception, and manipulation are all very common, and the reson many relationships unravel. I’ve fallen victim to this in my own relationship by not allowing my husband to be in control and wear the pants in our relationship. To be perfectly clear, I am not a slave to my husband, however I am humble and try to always engage in a positive dialogue with him. I view this as maintaining my own dignity, while co-operating with my significant other as we build a family together.
We, as women, have power within us and being submissive can also help our men to offer encouragement to us as it demonstrates our understanding that having to make decisions is a huge responsibility on their shoulders. We must remember that we are not in the relationship alone and that it takes two mature individuals to compromise.
Submission requires humility. It also takes prayer and internal growth.
I’ve provided some tips on how to be submissive and to work towards maintaining your own healthy relationship:
- Prepare a nice dinner: Yes, it is not an easy task if both of you have busy schedules and sometimes kids to deal with. However ladies, take one day out of the week to prepare in advance for a special dinner for two. Lay on the candle-lights and wine and you’ll be surprised at how some great conversation will help ease a long stressful day.
- Leave the “shyness” at the bedroom door: Ladies, all bets are off once in the bedroom! I am all about bringing out that alter ego… you know that inner “YONCE”. We all have a freaky side, so try to keep an open mind and try some new things he may suggest. Or better yet, surprise him and come up with some suggestions of your own. Of course, I’m not encouraging you to agree to a threesome or anything that may freak you out.. but instead of quickly dismissing the idea, take pleasure in wanting to please him. Hey, you may actually enjoy the new adventure!
- Don’t become a nag: I struggled with this in my relationship as I often felt the need to have a response. As women we like to give our opinions, but I have learnt that it’s OK to not comment. You may pick and choose your battle if it’s not a serious issue…I say let it go and don’t sweat the small stuff! Men have very little patience and are not interested in hearing your complaints 24/7. Be calm and learn how to speak in a tone that will not turn him away from communicating.
- Look sexy for your man: One thing I have experienced in my relationship is that a man takes pride in his woman looking and feeling great. If you are a new mother or simply feel out of shape and never have the time to attend the gym, find ways and means to get back on track. Search for easy and effective routines and then take 30 minutes before you start the day with a quick exercise workout in the comfort of your home. “Keep it tight” and dress to impress — the goal is to continue the attractiveness he was intrigued by when you first met. And your new-found confidence will be a turn-on for him all on its own.
- Show him your appreciation: My grandmother always told me “You can catch more bees with honey than you can with vinegar”. Be kind and respectful to your man and he will reciprocate. I sometimes send my husband “How’s your day?” text messages with hearts and kisses just so he knows I’m thinking of him. Tell him that you are thankful for all he does. For example, if you are a career woman, student or have a grind in which you both see little of each other- take the time to show him how much you care that he supports your goals and aspirations. Many men look outside of their relationships for extra attention… so if you are blessed to have that SPECIAL gentleman who doesn’t, don’t take it for granted and keep working at it!
Taryn Crawford: @trendy_t_